What initially felt like a cool mix with some nice lyrics ended up hiding a lot more under the surface. This song came into my consciousness at the end of Robyn’s set at the Hollywood Palladium– her first solo show in LA in about eight years. I couldn’t have been happier to be there, and was singing back at her full-force, word for word, until the very last song. This wasn’t one that I was familiar with. Admittedly, I don’t harp on every collab she puts out, and sometimes I forget to circle back to them before they get lost in the ether. This was one of those times, and I’m glad she brought it to my attention as she danced around stage blowing two-armed kisses back as us after the dance-a-thon we’d all just experienced together.
I would later become obsessed with this track, and tunneled further and further into it, ultimately finding an article written back in 2014 about the track and how it came to be. In short, Robyn and Kindness (Adam Bainbridge) were partying in Stockholm, and ran into some kind of disgruntled figure wandering the streets. Drunkenly, Robyn sprung into therapist mode and began to untangle the guy from the emotional web he was struggling in. He was pissed at humanity. He didn’t get them and they didn’t get him. Robyn wanted to know more.
Ultimately the three of them ended up having a late-night jam session with the guy (also a musician, evidently) in an after-hours guitar shop of sorts. After which, Robyn and Kindness thought to document the encounter, and abstractly profile their new friend, or anyone who can’t seem to break through social barriers to relate to others.
“He couldn’t make a connection, despite the best of intentions. Out there looking for meaning. Something good to believe in.”
I saw Robyn three times this year, and went to two of Kindness’ own gigs. After seeing it performed five times, it still holds its effect. It’s a story that most of us could probably relate to at one time or another. It can speak to people with intellectual disabilities, or somebody new in a country, or a person recently out of a relationship who has to rebuild their social circle and support system. Ultimately we all want to connect, relate or just feel normal. One path to self-discovery is to boil it down and really evaluate who’s important and who we need around us to feel whole. Who do you love?
Without question, it’s the holidays. Wow. Being honest, it’s not really my favorite time of year. Isolation and pressure and money and my Charlie Brown outlook on the season can make me feel more of a weirdo than usual. Many of us live for this time of year, and I cant argue with that perspective. Everything is brighter and more grand, you see more family and friends than usual and it’s damn cozy, but just like yogurt, when it’s good it’s great; when it’s bad, it’s terrible.
I thought I’d compose a short list of some of the songs that I turn to when I need to feel something other than guilt about why I don’t revel in the celebratory season. Not all of them are explicit Christmas songs, but they all capture the right tone for what I need. Hopefully somebody gets something out of this. If not, I’ll just be over here…
Hey Guys! It’s Christmas Time! – Sufjan Stevens
Perfectly alternative, this song feels tepid in its tone, and withholds energy like a subway passenger clenching their eyes shut and deciding not to scream at the nearby child flailing about. That reserve makes this song feel almost satirical, but it is lyrically still a very sweet song. Its thesis is the line “I think about how we could run away now that it’s Christmas time.” With doubled vocals that sound like Simon & Garfunkel, this song will chill you out of whatever holiday frustrations you’re facing.
Hope You Found What You’ve Been Missing – Cults
This song is almost cinematic. It’s cool and low. You can picture a girl walking with the wind in a cold, dark city, both hands in her pockets as she marches on wet pavement thinking “I. Don’t. Want to remember.” From Cults’ B Sides & Remixes EP of their album “Offering,” this little song appeared without much event. I listened to it once or twice, not really sure how to process it until I attended a small show the band threw together at a small venue in Echo Park just three nights shy of Christmas. I went alone unintentionally, having just been stood up and feeling as shocked as I as was heartbroken. A little more than halfway through their set, the duo wished everybody a happy holiday, and thanked the crowd for showing up when we could all otherwise be with our families. “We don’t really have any Christmas music, but this is about the closest thing we’ve got. It’s kind of Christmas-y. Hope you enjoy.” Beginning with an echoing flute and tinkering tambourine, you know the mood has shifted. The chorus is lyrically just as sad as the rest of the song, but the twinkling keys and building drum beat make you feel okay, even when you’re not.
Merry Christmas Darling – The Carpenters
As hard as they tried to make this song about love and quality of a relationship, this song still comes across impossibly, endearingly sad. “The lights on my tree, I wish you could see. I wish it every day.” A saxophone interlude and backing chorus vocals make this song rich and flowing. It is 100% Christmas, and 100% sad, creating a tone and triggering memories at a level only otherwise achieved by Joni Mitchell in her song “River.” Take a trip back to the ’70’s and think about someone you miss. Bonus points if you’re driving at night alone
Sunshine – Sia
In the only really happy song in my little list, Sia has come to save you from your sorrows. She is a master at creating songs on either polarity: Super sad or super happy. In “Sunshine” she wants you to know she has your back. “We’ll take your problems apart. Put ’em back using our hearts. Get the elves working so hard to make your pain stop.” She gets it. This time of year can be rough and there’s no debating that, but no matter what, she’ll bring the sunshine. Thank you Sia.
Every Friday, I’ll highlight a song that really stood out to me from the time that I came to know it until now. Certain songs just stick, and leave an impression that I don’t move on from. Those songs are the ones that I want to share so that everyone can (hopefully) get something from as well, whether it’s an upbeat dance track or a more thoughtful and heartfelt one.
I Know A Place
Some of the best songs come from a place of heartbreak. Whether it’s from a first-person perspective or, in the case of this song, told by an empathetic bystander. It’s a simple tale: someone who’s healed from a previous broken heart notices that somebody else is struggling through the worst part of it, and has a simple solution. “It’s hard to love with a heart that’s hurting. But if you want to go out dancing, I know a place…”
I told a friend about this song before letting her listen to it, and she asked, “Like dancing is supposed to just fix all your problems?” I replied, “Well, kinda. Yeah.” She agreed.
In the late days of December, people reflect. We leverage the accomplishments we’ve made throughout the year against our guilt for whatever we messed up, or didn’t get around to.
I can’t get into all that. My poor memory and lack of concern for goal-setting keeps me outside of that mindset.
My end of year ritual is, of course, related to music. What songs provided the soundtrack to my life for the past twelve months? What tracks did I lean on to celebrate, mourn, or decide to make changes to? Which of my favorite artists validated my favoritism, and who came out of nowhere to catch my attention in a new way?
Here’s my list.
Charli XCX – Gone
There is no shortage of songs about isolation or not fitting in. Charli nailed it with this jam about a party filled with people who make you feel gross, disconnected and unable to relate on any level. Parties like this make you want to run back home and stay there for the next social events that pop up. “I feel so unstable, fucking hate these people, how they’re making me feel.” She paints a picture all too familiar for a lot of us, and validates the feeling of being the weirdo around people who luxuriate in the crowd, feeling no pain. The key message is, perhaps they’re the majority, and maybe I’m the weird one, but fuck them anyway. I’m leaving.
Marina – Orange Trees
And we’re back to escapism. Marina stepped out of the shadows to return without “the Diamonds” this year, perhaps to be more authentic, stripped down or less of a pop product than what she had presented in the past. In any case, her dual release Love + Fear hit many different themes. The stand out track was one about simplifying and eliminating modern-day stresses. Sometimes the best solution to your problems is to roll back to your origins and keep it light. “Living life was supposed to be…flowers in my hair, I belong by the sea. Where we used to be. Sitting by the orange trees.” The sedating effect is powerful, but feels light and cozy. This track carried me through spring and summer, and I still find myself reaching for it when I’ve had enough of the real world.
Carly Rae Jepsen – For Sure
Minimalism is a weapon only effectively wielded by those with a talent for discretion and the intuitive ability to self-edit. I don’t have any of those qualities, but I love people who do. Enter Carly Rae. She earned her stripes for making a little song that says a ton in “For Sure,” which is basically about the snapshot moment when your relationship is drying up and your heart is basically the center of a Venn diagram; showing turmoil from clinging to the love that you once had and moving past it all. “I’ve been thinking, we were over. I’ve been thinking, got to know for sure..” repeats over and over with only a few other lines interjected. The message grows stronger and stronger at each interval, making you really pause to think about what you want and what you NEED. The melody slowly builds, until you’re in a jumping, blissful rhythm backed by steady claps and chanting. You feel good about taking that jump, and whatever lies beyond this point can only be better for your head and your heart. Sidebar: I’ve never listened to this song just once. I’ll usually take three plays at a time before I can continue my day.
Miley Cyrus – Slide Away
Miley has a talent to annoy the shit out of me while still periodically churning out a song that earns a pass. This single seemed to come from nowhere, but landed with a crash and rippling waves for weeks after it’s release. The story is sorrowful, but not pitiful. Her long drawn-out relationship has dried up and died, and she’s picking up her things and going…somewhere. Even without the Hollywood romance story that is her life, the song stands strong. Her restraint in her mid-tempo verses is oddly fitting for her. The strings behind this song give texture to the point that you can actually visualize the sun setting on summer, or whatever chapter in life that’s fading out.
Roisin Murphy – Incapable
In her masterfully weird way, Roisin gets us on the same page as her, even though she’s painting a picture of being inhuman and feeling a void where she believes love should be. “Never had a broken heart. Am I incapable of love?” she insists. She’s immune here, and wonders–without longing-what it would be like to exist among the rest of us who have experienced the fuzzy warmth of amorous bliss paired with the inevitable, jagged pain of losing it all. During the smooth disco beat that carries the over eight-minute track, she makes the listener wonder, should we feel bad for her? Or has she got it figured out better than the rest of us?
Brooks & Dunn Feat. Kacey Musgraves – Neon Moon
Kacey nailed this version of a track from the country group that I don’t know anything about. I didn’t know of it’s existence until she busted it out at a concert in the early Autumn. I was taken way aback. She brought so much introspective pensiveness, making the song feel like her own. “No telling how many tears I’ve sat here and cried. Or how many lies that I’ve lied, telling my poor heart he’ll come back some day.” She’s a wandering mess, but she’ll be fine, guided by the reliable glow of the Neon Moon.
Kanye West – Water
Yes, Kanye is up to some bullshit yet again, but this time he’s shoving Jesus down our throats. It’s an annoying album concept and you can feel Gen Z outstretching their hands, unsure if it’s “fire” or not. The standout on his recent gospel album is “Water.” It’s smooth and easy, and really catchy. His verses feel light, and his tone lacks the harshness that we’re accustomed to with ‘Ye, but this somehow works for him. It’s one of the most repeatable songs he has released since The Life of Pablo, save for a few of the Kids See Ghosts tracks. Even if he’s on another plane than most of his audiences who, statistically speaking, are less religious than any generation before, it’s a nice departure from the volatility of….everything going on right now.
Robyn – Dancing On My Own
I know. This isn’t a new song. Not even close, actually. Even though it’s nearing it’s ten year anniversary of hitting our ears like a swinging brick, this song found more relevance in 2019 than perhaps ever before. From film placements (“Teen Spirit” and “Long Shot”) to that infamous NYC subway sing-along, everybody seemed to grasp for this song more and more this year, to the point that it finally became certified platinum in the US. It got shout-outs from nearly every “end-of-2010’s” article, including #3 out of 200 for Pitchfork, and even claimed Rolling Stone’s pick for the #1 song of the decade. If you don’t think you know this song, you do. If you don’t think you love it, you will. Robyn was the original sad gal in the club, and despite whatever pain she was going through in the midst of celebrating, raging and unaware people, she acknowledged the worst of it, and kept dancing, on her own.
People have really been adamant that I stop being hard on myself lately. It’s like, all at once my self-deprecating humor expired and nobody is having any more of it. Curbing that kind of dialogue will be tougher than I’ll probably understand right away, but I’m up for the challenge.
That said, I’m having a hard time not beating myself up for waiting so long between writing projects to start my own blog. There’s no design here and if I wait longer until I figure out a way to make this eye-catching and perfectly to my desired aesthetic, that’ll add another three years before I start this.
“Writers write,” my dad always says. I know he didn’t invent that quote, but it’s a solid one and I’m willing to get onboard for the message. A few things have pushed me to finally start putting something down sooner than later.
Earlier this year at work, a pretty young lady walked in looking a little lost. After complimenting her killer dress and how pretty she was, I stared at her with the same confused look that she was giving me. It felt like that miming thing that twins do in movies when they’re staring through an opening in a wall when they think there’s a mirror there until one reaches out and pokes the other. “Wait, do I know you?” I said. Then we figured it out. We were on the newspaper staff together back in college. “You… you’re not working in journalism?” she asked. “Nahh, I just kind of switched industries a few times and now I’m doing this.” “What are you up to?” I asked before she told me that she had been with one of the major news networks since pretty much just after college about five or six years ago.
I was super happy for her and proud, even. “Damn, you really did it!” I said, before she asked “So you don’t write anymore?” I explained that, save for a blog contribution or guest spot on a friend’s site here or there, I’m not actively writing these days. She thoughtfully explained that she remembers reading my articles way back when and really enjoying them. It was a super thoughtful thing to say. Just as fast as she arrived, she had to run. I told her to stop by whenever she’s in the area and how good it was to see her, not to mention how great she was looking.
Anyone who’s spent any amount of time with me knows that the two things that make me tick are music and fashion. I had a hard time deciding how to structure this blog, but I ultimately decided to stick with music. It’s easier for me to talk about without feeling like I have to be an expert than fashion would be. Living in LA, so much happens in the world of music, concerts and random encounters with my favorite artists. I’ve been lucky since moving here like three years ago, and I plan on going back in time a bit to cover some of the most awesome music-related things I’ve experienced. And just to clear my name out loud (although people will react however they do) this isn’t about bragging or making my life sound more awesome than it is. I just want to document some of this stuff so that I don’t forget details and such.
I'm Just Gonna Dance All Night 