I’m Just Gonna Dance All Night

Taylor Swift Eras Tour pt. 2

Less than a week after returning from Arizona, I’m still swimming in my memories of the opening night of Taylor Swift Eras Tour.

As I mentioned previously, the process of positioning myself to go was not an easy one, which made me more nervous about the delivery of the actual experience.

Taking work off, driving out, getting there on time, securing merch etc. etc.. “And don’t forget to have fun” I thought to myself like my own parent in my head.

The drive from LA took about 8 hours due to a traffic buildup on a rural city street that Waze put me on. I remember sitting still next to small-town businesses that looked like facades for about an hour, unaware that a stalled train had obstructed the freeway onramp that I needed to take to get back on my way. I felt like Lightning McQueen in Cars. I had to go!

I finally arrived to my best friends house around 8 pm the night before. She and her boyfriend graciously let me stay with them, knowing that this was an important show for me, and sparing me one more expense that this concert might cause. They’re not “Swifties.” I explained to them that I don’t even consider myself as such, but this was such a historically significant music event, and I’d latched onto Taylor more and more during pandemic and there Evermore.

The day of the concert, both of my friends worked, so I ran around town trying to stay busy and not let my nerves consume me. I bought drinks to pregame and water for after, got a portable phone charger (which turned out to be extremely necessary) and made a stupid shirt with Hotpress stones that took hours. I’ll protect my brand of being annoying at all costs, even into my 30’s.

Driving about an hour to the venue, my nerves subdued with the reminder of what I was doing. Why I was there. Road signs above advocated safety with a wink of a hint about where the traffic was headed as I drove into Glendale Arizona, which was named “Swift City” for the weekend.

I parked at a nearby shopping plaza for $30 and downed a few shots before taking a breath, closing my eyes and listening to one last song before I headed in. My eyes were watering and I took a shaky breath before telling myself “I’m fucking here.”

I booked it toward the stadium past crowds of people lined up outside of bars. “What the heck?” I thought. It was a Friday, but it was only about 4 pm. Then I remembered it was St. Patrick’s Day. Who cared.

I got in the venue without incident and immediately decided to buy a shirt, which took about an hour. I used the restroom, grabbed a beer and got comfy in my section on the floor, section H

GAYLE performed and thanked Taylor for the opportunity with some tears. Paramore came out and crushed their set, playing just the hits and nothing unfamiliar. Hayley Williams, dressed suspiciously like Amy Winehouse, told stories of meeting Taylor back in Nashville at the start of her career and how amazing it was to see her music explode into the machine that it is now. She thanked her for the opportunity before going into a song that they “stopped playing for a while, but brought it back:” The Only Exception.

Shortly thereafter a countdown clock appeared on screen and everyone began to panic and fly to their seats. It was only 8, but she started exactly on time. I though that was exceedingly early, but we’d find out that it was a necessary move for a concert that would last 3 hours and 15 minutes covering 44 songs.

Dancers walked out with giant wings of sort, giving them the proportion of a butterfly or a peacock. They marched in line on the stage before regathering at a point and layering themselves into a mound. We waited through a rumbling and 3…2…1… They unfurled themselves to reveal Taylor. The shrieks were immeasurable. A crowd of 69000 filling the same stadium where the Super Bowl had been held just weeks prior collectively rang out in hysteria. All at once the balloon of the struggle, the fight, the turmoil just to BE there burst, and she began her first song of the night, her live debut of Miss Americana & the Heatbreak Prince. It seemed fitting that she’d begin with the Lover Era, being that it was where she left off. Lover Fest, the tour that never was, fueled this chapter, and she sang six songs from the album, also live debuting Cruel Summer and my weird-boy favorite, The Archer.

She leveled with us and referenced that those of us in attendance for opening night had to go through a considerable amount of effort to be there, saying “I’m about to say something that I’ve been dreaming about and scheming about and planning and plotting for years… Welcome to the Eras Tour.”

She skipped along right into Fearless, hitting the title track, You Belong With Me (which is hard to sing without running out of breath as I’ve discovered at karaoke) and Love Story.

After, the beautiful on-screen transition took us to the forest and directly into the Evermore era, which holds a very special place in my heart, hitting five songs (four as live debuts) but skipping over my three favorite from the album. I knew I wouldn’t hear them that night and I made peace with that fact before showing up at the stadium. That’s the cost of having unpopular favorites. Those are songs that I enjoy in solitude anyhow.

The video transition into the Reputation Era was electric, starting with a red bedazzled leg and loud heel crossing a floor with a thud at each step. A snake slithered across screen and Taylor reappeared with …Ready For It?. That song and Look What You Made Me Do were designed for stadiums and were absolutely thrilling. One thing that TikTok and Instagrammers have repeatedly remarked after the initial two shows of the tour is that many of the songs that she’d perform that night were not “stadium songs,” but she made them work in such a setting seamlessly. It all felt appropriate, purposeful and intentional. The arc of storytelling was a thoughtful and joyful journey to behold. You never knew what Era was coming next, and that was half the fun.

The only song from Speak Now that she’d perform was Enchanted. It’s an old track. It’s not her most popular song. It doesn’t get all the soundtrack and wedding playlist treatment that it deserves, but at the Eras Tour, it was perfect. It was my favorite song of the night.

Red is a super valuable album to me, but that Era sucked. She played the lame singles that people like to forget about, like 22, I Knew You Were Trouble and We Are Never Getting Back Together. I’m glad for the All too Well die-hards that she performed the entire 10-minute version, but I’ve never loved that track. My favorite TS song State of Grace was only referenced, along with the Red title track at the intro of the era. Luckily, I went to the tour of that album, so I’m thankful that I’ve experienced them both in concert before, and I can’t be too mad.

Folklore was stunning to see performed, starting with the recital of the lyrics to Seven in a poetic fashion “Although I can’t recall your face I’ve still got love for you. Your braids make a pattern. Love you to the moon and to Saturn. Passed down like folk songs…” I was so touched to hear Invisible String and Cardigan, which was the first track given to us off of that album in the worst of the pandemic. It was a familiar escape that I forgot how much I needed.

The last two Eras gave us all of the good feels and got us dancing. As opposed to the lame singles of Red, 1989 had nothing but bangers. It felt like a party hearing Style, Blank Space, Shake it Off and Wildest Dreams.

And as our dessert, the fond send-off was the Midnights era. The final piece of the 10-block puzzle that formed a house on-screen throughout the show, each representing a distinct yet important time in Taylor’s discography and life.

This victory lap started as Taylor dove into the stage, “swam” through the floor and climbed up a latter into a purple cloud. Enter Lavender Haze. We also were given Anti-Hero and Bejeweled among others. The night ended with the first song that I fell in love with on that album and the one I love singing the most. The kiss-off to the negativity that may have followed us in our pasts and the celebration of the good fortune that may have befallen us since then: Karma.

I left feeling grateful, and ran into a friend whom I’d not seen in a few years, unaware that she’d moved to Arizona since then. “I’d recognize your walk anywhere” she said, and we laughed. As much as Everything Has Changed, some thing will always stay the same, like me going to a concert solo and chewing it over for days, months and years thereafter. It was everything that I wanted, and there was Happiness.

Sing it Saturday: Lily Allen – Smile

Something magical was going on in the mid 2000’s. The glimmer of pop music had tarnished and we were all sick of the picture-perfect perspective of “happy” popstars.

As much as she looked the part, Lily Allen was not just another cute girly vying for popularity votes. She had a fuck of a bite, and this lead single told us exactly what we needed to know about her.

In Smile, Lily talks about the slow process of getting over an ex-lover until she arrives at the point of playful hatred for them.

Initially, she’s down bad:

When you first met me
I was wanting more
But you were fucking that girl next door
What’d you do that for?

But then catches her stride and remembers who she is

At first, when I see you cry
It makes me smile
Yeah it makes me smile

It’s a bratty, fun and bubbling song with hard keys and a little reggae influence. It’s a celebratory lesson in reclaiming oneself and never getting too bogged down with someone else’s doubts of you.

This would launch Lily Allen’s career and keep her at the tip of everyone’s tongues for most of the late aughts. Being sassy got way cooler, due in great part to Lily’s flawless presentation of an attitude that could cut glass, all while smiling.

Sing it Saturday: Caroline Polachek – Fly to You

Caroline Polachek paints a different world with each of her songs. They feel ancient, but hundreds of years in the future at the same time. She pulls out emotions from each of us and gives the feeling that the journey we’re witnessing is our own.

In Fly to You featuring Grimes and Dido, the trio take turns reliving the pain of yearning, and the euphoric sensation of reconciliation. The currents that brought them to this point are nothing more than bad memories now.

Grimes starts, reflecting:

How I remember
How I forget
Wanting to hate you
But love you instead

Dido shares optimism in light of the storm she’s escaped:

Will you still love me
After the bend?
Remеmber what’s gone beforе
Not loaded with regret

Caroline chooses peace, committing to “Fly to you. Not just somewhere deep inside of me.“

This concept may be purely fictional. It might be possible. It’s worth, if nothing else, a dream.

Sing It Saturday: Tove Lo – Grapefruit

“What a fun song!” I thought. Sick rumbling synth beat, awesome drums, crystalline vocals. Hearing it feels like wearing the best outfit of your life. It gives the sensation of being younger and more alive. You’re basically flying, until you pay attention to the lyrics.

She goes from vague:

One two, Grapefruit
How am I back here again?
Three, four
Lose more

To brutally specific:

Counting while I run the tap
I’m on my knees
Choking on my hands all night
In my sleep

I hadn’t thought about those kind of patterns for a lot of years. No piece of media had ever triggered that kind of recall for me.

I remembered the sad looks on the faces of family members who’d not seen me recently, one saying notably “What are you trying to do, disappear?” and saying to myself “I think so.”

I remembered driving myself to a hospital because my hands and mouth were going numb and I was losing consciousness on my way to work. I remembered a constantly burning esophagus and spitting up blood here and there. My childhood pediatrician was so pissed at me when she explained via chart that I would have been about 6′ tall if not having stunted my own growth in my mid teens.

Then I look at Tove Lo, who I regard as such a figurehead of inner-strength and liberation, and almost can’t connect her with the perspective that she’s expressing. Who could pull off a song about such a thing, and do it so elegantly?

It’s very Swedish of her, making a track I’d candidly regard a “banger” that’s about something difficult to face. Robyn did the same with Dancing On My Own.

I felt weird about it, but then appreciated it more as time went on. I guess that’s how creating awareness works.

Sing it Saturday: Yuna – Loud Noises

A piano riff right at the top will always get me.

This bouncy, soaring melodic song is pure and sentimental. You feel like you’re playing in Andy’s bedroom in Toy Story, no worries or concerns.

“I promise you my friend, we’ll grow old together and never look back”

The song moves along sweetly but realistically, with Yuna reassuring that the person being addressed will be fine. They’ll move forward in life with their virtues intact. She wants them to uphold the beauty they showed when in a relationship with her, even now, apparently after the fact.

“And whenever you’re about to fall apart
Sing the songs we used to babe
And whenever you want to fix your heart
Remember us, and these loud noises”

It’s touching, and carries you along like floating on a cloud.

Without being too ceremonious about it, it shifts to face a sad reality head-on, asking earnestly of them:

“Promise me, my friend
Be brave, like I am still around”

She’s not only far away, but maybe not here at all. She left them there with the entirety of her existence dissolved. From beyond, she wishes for them all of the strength that she knows they have within.

People leave. We move on. We die. But there are always bits of us left behind. The loud Noises.

Sing it Saturday: MARINA – Blue / Gold

As I tend to do, I’m breaking my own rules, and covering two tracks. Both by Marina (Marina and the Diamonds) from her 2015 album FROOT.

This album is sandwiched between her earlier two projects and her two more recent albums. It would be the last that she released before rebranding simply to: MARINA. Aside from being a niche indie “hard to find” vinyl, it doesn’t get much attention compared to her more coveted albums, but remains my favorite of hers.

FROOT touches on primal urges and the human experiences that remain throughout time, unaffected by any era.

Blue and Gold follow the same girl at the end of a relationship, but handling it way differently.

In Blue, she’s not doing great. She’s a bag of feathers fed into the back of an oscillating fan and it’s a mess. She can’t compose herself but she knows she can’t reassemble what’s disintegrated. She settles on clinging to immediate satisfaction, asking for nothing more than “one more night,” shitty as it is of her.

“And all I want is One night with you Just cause I’m selfish I know it’s true”

She’s being gross, but she’s scared, so she scratches the open wound that won’t heal.

Gold features a girl daring the world (or some man) to tell her she’s not a commodity.

“You’ve got it in the palm of your hands It’s slipping through your fingers like sand”

She mulls over her virtues and inherent value. She’s still orbiting this person whom she’s outgrown, but definitely not for long.

Whatever position they’re in, they’d better be prepared to exist without her. We can imagine they’ll recognize her sparkle only after the glitter fades.

Sing it Saturday: Lykke Li – Carousel

I hate writing about Lykke Li sometimes. It’s like trying to describe a bubble. It’s kind of a rainbow, but also absolutely clear. You remember a perfect circle, but wasn’t it shifting the whole time? It was definitely there, but now it’s not, and I can’t prove it’s existence. Where are we now?

I’ve been entirely taken by sorrow to some of her music. I’ve danced and ran as hard as I could to her at other times. I’ve met her a few times, but it was so nondescript that I wouldn’t bother reporting on it. Was she ever really there?

Carousel is the very best of Lykke Li.

Off her fever dream of an EP Eyeye, in Carousel I find comfort in knowing that it’s not just me caught in a cycle. Whether it’s love, drugs, success or any other number of obsessions, the pain is equal to the pleasure. The familiarity of symmetry keeps you on.

Never rained like this
Never hurt like this
Oh, carousel
I’m under your spell
Hurts like hell
Oh, carousel

Sing it Saturday: LCD Soundsystem – Someone Great

LCD Soundsystem epitomizes the early aughts. James Murphy’s deadpan lyrical delivery set atop a production filled with clicks, blips and thuds feels as quirky and smooth as the very best of The Postal Service/Death Cab.

Someone Great is mellow and melancholy. Murphy’s subdued rage feels like he was pissed eight days ago but hasn’t slept since then. Despite being scorned by love, he’s healing, whether he wants to or not. There’s a second layer of a breakup when you need to let go of the letting go chapter.

The worst is all the lovely weather
I’m stunned, it’s not raining
The coffee isn’t even bitter
Because, what’s the difference?

It can be sore to reflect on the best of times when you’ve since gone through hell with that person and come out trying to preserve the better memories of them. It was awesome, then it was terrible and now you pretend to not know each other. It’s a shame when you separate like a poorly conceived emulsion, but life will push you through it and onward.

That said, it still sucks. When someone great is gone.

Sing it Saturday: SZA – Supermodel

SZA isn’t a Party gyal, as she Tweeted the night after the SOS album release event.

As much as we’ve learned about her since the release of her 2017 opus Ctrl, so much still hangs in ambiguity. I think she prefers that, and I don’t mind it either. I love filling the gaps with how I feel listening to her music and imagining who she is, what she meant, and how we live in the same, yet totally different worlds.

In Supermodel, SZA muses on about being hopelessly embroiled in a loveless, yet passion-driven situationship.

She uses plain, relatable terminology of our time and weaves in inextricably vulnerable admissions. Listening feels like peeking into an open diary fallen on the floor. It’s sad. It’s embarrassing. It’s so familiar.

I remember leaving this song on repeat as I drove to and from my new job in West LA as I adjusted to the city, feeling so isolated but understanding that I needed to acclimate quickly, despite still licking the wounds of what chased me out of my home town in the first place.

There was more ahead for me. I just needed to be brave enough to go get it. SZA was unsure here, and so was I. It became an anthem and a blanket for me. I can’t hear it without my mood shifting for the rest of the day. It’s reflective and poignant and frankly, I’ll never be able to adequately describe how mystifying it is for me. I love this track.

Taylor Swift Eras Tour pt. 1

We all have an opinion about Taylor Swift, like it or not. This is the relationship that I have with her music, and what I’ve experienced during this time. The Eras Tour Era.

Preparing for 2023, I had plenty on my mind. When would the Coachella lineup be announced? Who would drop last-minute albums and songs to make it under the wire for “Best of 2022” lists? Who might tease cryptic projects for the coming year?

All such concerns were windswept when Taylor Swift announced her long, long anticipated new tour: The Eras Tour.

Taylor had not performed on stage since her Reputation tour in 2018. She’d scheduled a brief set of stadium shows supporting her 2019 album “Lover” for 2020, which was subsequently cancelled because of…2020.

In the midst of pandemic as the world hunkered down and hid, Taylor released two projects: Folklore and Evermore. These albums veered off the path that she’d forged for herself in the pop landscape; so far in fact, that she tore right off that road and landed deep in the forest. She would eventually emerge to release 2022’s “Midnights,” an album that she described as a compilation of scenarios that would keep someone up at night. These songs focused on heartache, amorous anxiety, introspection and infatuation. It was pop. It was punchy. But it wasn’t the singular focus of her upcoming tour. She had more planned for her ravenous fans who tracked her every move, searching for nuances and “Easter eggs” that would guide them to deeper meanings behind her songs, imagery and innuendo. This tour would focus on each of her 10 studio albums. Every Era.

Naturally, all of us wanted to go. I’d only seen Taylor perform once during her Red tour in 2013. I thought about how much I’d changed in that last 10 years. I reflected on how that was one of the first concerts I’d ever taken myself to alone. I was ecstatic to relive that communal rush of seeing this young woman who’d boosted herself to the top of every chart by writing and storyboarding so much of her own original work in an industry that fabricates new faces in an assembly line that defines the term “dime a dozen.” Taylor stuck it out and earned her stripes over these 10 albums, and I could barely imagine what I’d feel seeing her perform music from her last four albums for the first time live, in addition to her earlier 6 projects. What more could we ask for?

The events that would unfold are well-known. Some of us would get “presale codes” to purchase tickets days before a public on-sale as a reward for buying merchandise, or holding tickets to previously cancelled tour dates. I was among those few. I felt like The Lucky One. But after hours of waiting in an online queue, I found no remaining inventory to purchase even a single ticket for myself. I felt embarrassed. I’m supposed to be good at this. I’ve gone to 5 Coachellas. I’ve seen big artists at tiny venues. I’ve paid my dues and I know how the systems work, so why did I come out empty-handed?

I wasn’t alone. Social media was abuzz with endless recounts of similar experiences. It seemed like none of us got tickets, yet second-hand reseller websites like Stubhub had an ocean of tickets for any date, any section. The only problem was, to purchase such a ticket from them, you’d need to pay at minimum $1000 over original asking price, or worse.

This debacle was a headline news story for weeks, and resulted in lawsuits against Ticketmaster and the monopoly that they occupy in the ticket-buying space. I felt defeated, but not alone.

Understanding the potential of feeling like an idiot for doing so (I still do), I promised myself that I’d attend this tour, no matter what. I had an exceptionally challenging year that left me needing something to look forward to as a motivation to keep pushing on. To feel like I was Out of the Woods. I sucked it up and bought a ticket to the very first date of the Eras Tour on St. Patrick’s day in Arizona. Somehow, some way, I’d be there and break free from every obstacle that nearly kept me from this moment.

From here, I’ll create my very first cliffhanger as a writer. A little more than 2 months shy of this concert, I feel conflicted. The process of making this happen was heartbreaking, but I’m grateful to have broken through. I’m now able to enjoy the Midnights album without the sour gut feeling that I had prior to securing my place in this tour. I’m looking forward as frequently as I’m looking back behind me. All of that considered, somewhere ahead, there is Happiness.